New Job

Well, today I start my new job. I'll be working at E-Sell It, which is an Ebay company in town. I'll essentially be selling people's belongings on Ebay for them. It seems like a fun job. I am looking forward to getting out of the house & around adults again on a daily basis. At the same time though I am incredibly sad & upset, because I won't be able to spend all day with Brianna. I'll have the mornings with her still, but it doesn't feel like it'll be enough. Thank God she will be staying with a good friend of mine during the day (Thanks T for watching her for me!) & will be in a great, loving environment where I don't need to worry about her. Also, the way things work out, she'll have special Bri & Daddy time in the afternoon when Herbie picks her up from T's until I get home. That should be fun & special for them. & of course we'll still have the weekends together, which I intend to enjoy & cherish to the fullest. I just hope that everything works out for the best & that everying (including myself) adjusts easily to the new routine of life.

Thank you God for the blessings of family, friends, & jobs.

Recovering... Or something like that...

When my Daddy passed away a couple weeks ago I just hoped so much that things would get easier once the funeral was over. When I woke up the following morning with this heartwrenching emptyness Itit hit me like a brick. I have slowly come to the realization that things just aren't getting better. The realization that he is really gone has just sunken in deeper and deeper. The actual time of tears has seemed to pass, but I still have this heart broken emptyness in my chest that I can't shake.
I've been writing in a diary at night before bed to get my thoughts out of my head. Which helps me relax, but I still wake up in the morning with this broken feeling.
I'm to the point now where I'm just hoping that it'll go away eventually and trying to learn to deal with it in the meantime.
I just can't believe he is really gone.

Rest In Peace Daddy

My father passed away Wednesday morning. According to the coroner's report it was Psorosis of the liver. The toxins just attacked his body & he couldn't fight it. We also know he has emphyzema & COPD. His funeral was Saturday. The past few days have been the most emotional days of my life. I don't even know what to do to try to cope with all of this. I am attempting to pack my schedule so full that I don't have any down time. I'm hoping that doing that will keep my mind busy enough that I can get some time to register before trying to deal with it. I have never felt so numb & empty in my life. I just have this tight feeling in my chest all the time, & a knot in my stomach. I feel like crying every time I see something that reminds me of him. Cleaning out his apartment was almost as bad as the funeral. Facing that he is really gone. I will never see his smiling face again while I walk this earth. That my daughter will never really know her Grandpa. It's heartbreaking. It's upsetting.

I'm tearing up again, so I am going to end this here. Any prayers you can spare for my family & myself will be greatly appreciated. We really need it right now.



Rest in Peace Daddy, I love you & miss you very much
God must have needed another carpenter...

As Usual...

It seems that usually when I write in here I'm complaining about something doesn't it?

Oh well, I guess that's what these things are for though. Getting things off your chest, out of your mind, whatever.

I've been in a rather down mood recently. I think it might be the crash from all the holiday craziness. The holidays are done & things are going back to normal & it seems now like there's nothing to look forward to.

I've been rather moody. I haven't really wanted to be bothered by people. I've been short with anyone that irritates me. My patience level has dropped drastically.

In addition to being moody, I've been in a bit of pain. My back is bothering me (threw it out shoveling last week, yeah I'm a wimp). I've been cramping like crazy (thank you lady parts!), & my body has just been achy. Thank God I have a doctor's appoint this Friday.

Could be that I'm tired too. I'm tired all the time. Worst part is, even though I'm tired, I can't seem to sleep. I go to bed & I wake up every half hour, & that's only after a struggle to get to sleep. Then during the day, when Bri takes a nap I usually nap with her. Recently, I have laid there half awake just ticking away the minutes, trying to get some rest. What the heck is wrong?


Anyways... going to try to go to bed... hopefully I'll be in a less whiney mood tomorrow.

We can all only hope.

*Shiver*

It is currently -13 degrees outside. So cold. I had to turn the heat up in the house to kill the chill. I was planning on going to my mom's to do laundry this morning. I think I'm going to have to wait til this afternoon though now, cause there it no way I am taking Brianna out in negative degree weather!! Oh, & in addition to the freezing winds (which are gusting anywhere from 20-30mph, with a possibility of 40mph later!) we are expecting ANOTHER 2" of snow today. This is in addition to the 6-8" we got Firday & the 3-4" we got yesterday! Oh man... cold, snowy, windy. Only in upstate NY!! :0p

I just hope the cold lets up a little later so I can get out & get my laundry done & get a few errands run! We'll see though. If not, I guess I'll just have to bundle Bri up in quilts & take her out!!:op

Oh, & Christmas is in 3 days. I'm starting to get really excited now!:o)

Since it's getting closer though, that means I need to ramp up my cleaning, cause I need the house cleaned & organized before family gets here Christmas day.

In addition to cleaning, we are rearranging rooms too. We rearranged Bri's room yesterday to make more room for the new toys. I also gutted her closet & got rid of all the clothes that are too small & all the blankets & stuff that we haven't used since she was itty bitty. It made a lot more room. We also have to rearrange our bedroom, because as soon as we take the decorations down (the weekend after Christmas, as per requested by hubby), we are moving the livingroom around & taking our massive bookshelf into the bedroom. We need to make room in the livingroom for toys & stuff too. It's quite a lot of work, but I kind of enjoy getting things all organized & arranged so they flow better & are more functional. Right now things are just all over because they either A. didn't get organized in the first place when we moved in -or- B. got displaced because of Christmas decorations. Once it's all done though I will be a much happier anal retentive housewife:op.

Ok well, I need to get a shower & get ready for the day before Bri wants breakfast, & I think I hear her stirring in her room already (which means I have about 20-30 minutes of her playing in there before she wants out!).

So, bundle up NY!:o)