Mommy's Musings

New Job

2009-03-16T07:07:00.002-04:00

Well, today I start my new job. I'll be working at E-Sell It, which is an Ebay company in town. I'll essentially be selling people's belongings on Ebay for them. It seems like a fun job. I am looking forward to getting out of the house & around adults again on a daily basis. At the same time though I am incredibly sad & upset, because I won't be able to spend all day with Brianna. I'll have the mornings with her still, but it doesn't feel like it'll be enough. Thank God she will be staying with a good friend of mine during the day (Thanks T for watching her for me!) & will be in a great, loving environment where I don't need to worry about her. Also, the way things work out, she'll have special Bri & Daddy time in the afternoon when Herbie picks her up from T's until I get home. That should be fun & special for them. & of course we'll still have the weekends together, which I intend to enjoy & cherish to the fullest. I just hope that everything works out for the best & that everying (including myself) adjusts easily to the new routine of life.

Thank you God for the blessings of family, friends, & jobs.

Recovering... Or something like that...

2009-02-04T06:27:00.002-05:00

When my Daddy passed away a couple weeks ago I just hoped so much that things would get easier once the funeral was over. When I woke up the following morning with this heartwrenching emptyness Itit hit me like a brick. I have slowly come to the realization that things just aren't getting better. The realization that he is really gone has just sunken in deeper and deeper. The actual time of tears has seemed to pass, but I still have this heart broken emptyness in my chest that I can't shake.
I've been writing in a diary at night before bed to get my thoughts out of my head. Which helps me relax, but I still wake up in the morning with this broken feeling.
I'm to the point now where I'm just hoping that it'll go away eventually and trying to learn to deal with it in the meantime.
I just can't believe he is really gone.

Rest In Peace Daddy

2009-01-19T22:36:00.002-05:00

My father passed away Wednesday morning. According to the coroner's report it was Psorosis of the liver. The toxins just attacked his body & he couldn't fight it. We also know he has emphyzema & COPD. His funeral was Saturday. The past few days have been the most emotional days of my life. I don't even know what to do to try to cope with all of this. I am attempting to pack my schedule so full that I don't have any down time. I'm hoping that doing that will keep my mind busy enough that I can get some time to register before trying to deal with it. I have never felt so numb & empty in my life. I just have this tight feeling in my chest all the time, & a knot in my stomach. I feel like crying every time I see something that reminds me of him. Cleaning out his apartment was almost as bad as the funeral. Facing that he is really gone. I will never see his smiling face again while I walk this earth. That my daughter will never really know her Grandpa. It's heartbreaking. It's upsetting.

I'm tearing up again, so I am going to end this here. Any prayers you can spare for my family & myself will be greatly appreciated. We really need it right now.

Rest in Peace Daddy, I love you & miss you very much
God must have needed another carpenter...

As Usual...

2009-01-06T02:25:00.002-05:00

It seems that usually when I write in here I'm complaining about something doesn't it?

Oh well, I guess that's what these things are for though. Getting things off your chest, out of your mind, whatever.

I've been in a rather down mood recently. I think it might be the crash from all the holiday craziness. The holidays are done & things are going back to normal & it seems now like there's nothing to look forward to.

I've been rather moody. I haven't really wanted to be bothered by people. I've been short with anyone that irritates me. My patience level has dropped drastically.

In addition to being moody, I've been in a bit of pain. My back is bothering me (threw it out shoveling last week, yeah I'm a wimp). I've been cramping like crazy (thank you lady parts!), & my body has just been achy. Thank God I have a doctor's appoint this Friday.

Could be that I'm tired too. I'm tired all the time. Worst part is, even though I'm tired, I can't seem to sleep. I go to bed & I wake up every half hour, & that's only after a struggle to get to sleep. Then during the day, when Bri takes a nap I usually nap with her. Recently, I have laid there half awake just ticking away the minutes, trying to get some rest. What the heck is wrong?

Anyways... going to try to go to bed... hopefully I'll be in a less whiney mood tomorrow.

We can all only hope.

Shiver

2008-12-22T07:17:00.002-05:00

It is currently -13 degrees outside. So cold. I had to turn the heat up in the house to kill the chill. I was planning on going to my mom's to do laundry this morning. I think I'm going to have to wait til this afternoon though now, cause there it no way I am taking Brianna out in negative degree weather!! Oh, & in addition to the freezing winds (which are gusting anywhere from 20-30mph, with a possibility of 40mph later!) we are expecting ANOTHER 2" of snow today. This is in addition to the 6-8" we got Firday & the 3-4" we got yesterday! Oh man... cold, snowy, windy. Only in upstate NY!! :0p

I just hope the cold lets up a little later so I can get out & get my laundry done & get a few errands run! We'll see though. If not, I guess I'll just have to bundle Bri up in quilts & take her out!!:op

Oh, & Christmas is in 3 days. I'm starting to get really excited now!:o)

Since it's getting closer though, that means I need to ramp up my cleaning, cause I need the house cleaned & organized before family gets here Christmas day.

In addition to cleaning, we are rearranging rooms too. We rearranged Bri's room yesterday to make more room for the new toys. I also gutted her closet & got rid of all the clothes that are too small & all the blankets & stuff that we haven't used since she was itty bitty. It made a lot more room. We also have to rearrange our bedroom, because as soon as we take the decorations down (the weekend after Christmas, as per requested by hubby), we are moving the livingroom around & taking our massive bookshelf into the bedroom. We need to make room in the livingroom for toys & stuff too. It's quite a lot of work, but I kind of enjoy getting things all organized & arranged so they flow better & are more functional. Right now things are just all over because they either A. didn't get organized in the first place when we moved in -or- B. got displaced because of Christmas decorations. Once it's all done though I will be a much happier anal retentive housewife:op.

Ok well, I need to get a shower & get ready for the day before Bri wants breakfast, & I think I hear her stirring in her room already (which means I have about 20-30 minutes of her playing in there before she wants out!).

So, bundle up NY!:o)

Severe Need Of Christmas Spirit...

2008-12-18T01:48:00.002-05:00

So as anyone who actually follows this babble of nonsense that I write, you will have noticed that my blessings stopped at 10. It's not that I'm not blessed, or that I am ungreatful, it's just that there is so much going on that I can not logically keep up with everything right now. Ugh. I seriously need a big spoonful of Christmas spirit right now. This week has been unbelievable. So, here it goes...

We'll actually start with last Friday. Thursday night I shook & shuddered all night long. Friday I woke up horribly sick. I have no idea what I had, it just was horrible. I was achy, tired, my throat was killing me, I was coughing & sneezing, I was feverish, I was shaking. It was horrible. This whatever it was lasted until Saturday. Saturday at 230 I finally emerged from my room. Sat night we hung out with a few friends, but it was veyr low key. Sunday my mom offered to take Brianna for the day, so Herbie & I could rest. & rest we did. I slept most of the day & did nothing. still recovering from beign sick. After dinner my mom brought Brianna back over. I was just getting ready to pop Brianna in the tub & my phone rings, it's my sister. She called to let me know that mom had gone over to dad's to drop off some dinner & he started seizuring, so she called 911 & they were on their way to the hospital. Sooo, my restful evening gets thrown right out the window. I get dressed, throw up my hair, kiss my baby & hubby bye & get in the car to go to the hospital. I get there & my dad is barely conscious. My mom, sis, & brother in law are there & fill me in on what happened. Eventually dad starts to wake up more & starts talking. The nruses in the ER are hooking up IV fluids & monitoring his vitals. His bp was super low, but once they started pumping teh fluids, things got back to normal. They took him for a cat scan & xray, did a bunch of blood panels. We went to get some food real quick, came back, waited. Finally about 11pm the doctor comes in to tell us that he is dehydrated & malnourished & that he'll be fine wiht some fluids & they want him to stay over night. My dad tries to tell them no, my sister & I both tell the dr he WILL stay there. My dad stops argueing. I tell everyone good night, & I come home. Slam a glass of wine. Stare blankly at the tv. Then rant to my husband about how selfish & immature & irresponsible my father is & how pissed off I am that he does this shit all the time. I am now officially decided that next time he does this shit, I am having him admitted to a facility for assisted living. My sister & I have discussed it before & she thinks it might be what we have to do. I'm just so tired of being the parent in my relationship with my dad. Selfish bastard. & of course now he's out the hospital & acting like everything is ok & it's no big deal. Grr.

Well, then Monday comes around. All day Monday I was irritable & tired. I hadn't slept well the night before obviously, so not too much got done. Monday night I get a call from my mom. Her dog is going into labor & I have to be on call all night, just in case the puppies are born. I pass out hoping to God the dog can hold off til the morning.

Tuesday morning, 7pm on the dot my phone rings. Gracie is having the puppies, she's had one, I need to take my brother to school, take Bri to my mother in laws & get to my mom's to help with the rest of the puppies & watch them when she goes to work until my sister gets home. So I crawl out of bed, throw on some clothes, throw my hair up, get Brianna all packed up, take the dogs out, wake up Brianna & get loaded into the car. I get to my moms't pick up my brother & of COURSE he's not ready. So I have to sit in the car fo 10 minutes waiting for him. Poor Bri is totally out of it & cranky. I take my brother to school, take Bri up to my mother in laws, & come back into town. When I get to my mom's the 3rd puppy is being born. My mom gets ready & heads to work & I get to sit there & watch Gracie & the puppie & make sure everything is ok. Atleast it gave me time to get my Christmas cards done. My sister gets home at 11 & I get to go pick up Bri, who is still out of sorts from the morning. So I spend the afternoon trying to keep a cranky little girl entertained. Tuesday night is the fun time. 515pm I get all loaded up, botht he dogs & Bri in the car, & head out to pick up herb from work & go back to my mom's for dinner & so Herb & Bri can see the puppies. I get about 2 minutes from my house & the car makes this horrible grinding noise, so I pull over in a parking lot to see what's going on. My front passengers side tire is totally blown & off the rim. Great. I call my mom & Herb. My sister & brother in law show up to change the tire for me. In the meantime I lock the car doors cause we're in a shady part of town. When my sister & brother in law get there, I get out of the car & close teh doors. The locked doors. FABULOUS! Bri & both dogs are in the car. so I immediatly call the police to come unlock my car. So I'm parked in a shady parking lot, my brother in law chaning the tire, the police man jacking my doors open, Bri is screaming hysterically, the dogs are freaking out, I'm about to loose it. Finally the car is unlocked & I comfort Bri, the tire is changed & my sister has left to pick up Herb in my mom's car. My brother in law, Bri & I head to my mom's where I immediatly consume a wine cooler & a plate of spaghetti like it's no ones business. I was sooo irritated. I got home that night & just wanted to cry, but I couldn't I had to get Bri ready for bed & get to bed myself. So, I went to bed early & just slept.

This morning I woke up & decided that I was not going to do ANYTHING! No cleaning. No driving. Nothing. I spent the whole day just resting & snuggling with Brianna. Herb got home from work & made dinner. I went to my mom's group & enjoyed the cmpany of other mother's. Then I went to the store to pick up a few groceries & came home. I spent the evening watching tv with my hubby & just resting, then the ocd kicked in. I needed to clean. So I got up, swept all the floors. I went to mop the floors & realized that we are out of wet jet fluid. Damn it! So now I have to go to Walmart tomorrow to pick up more. Hubby went to bed, I'm still cleaning. Picking up random stuff. Finally I have just crashed. I'm not tired, just exhausted. My body is sore, my mind is spinning, & I don't know what to do with myself.

I think that tomorrow I am going to do the bare minimum & force myself not to clean. I'll do dishes & whatnot that I need to, but nothing else. We'll see how that goes. Hopefully nothing else happens. *Sigh*

Now, I'm going to grab a book, get my jammies on, & go to bed. Hopefully I can fall asleep before 3am. I'd like more than 5 hours of sleep tonight, chances of that are slim.

Oh well.

Christmas Blessing 10

2008-12-11T00:56:00.003-05:00

Christmas Blessing 10. Today's blessing is...

Naps. If it weren't for my midday nap with Brianna today, I think I would have been grouchy all day long. However my nap realigned my attitude & the rest of the day was much better! Thank God for Naps!!:)

So as to why I needed a nap. Well, I was very rudely awaken today by a splat of very cold water on my face. It startled me awake. I then felt another splat. I was confused, & very irritated. I put my glasses on & look up only to see a LEAK has shown up in our ceiling RIGHT ABOVE MY PILLOW!! You have got to be kidding me!! So, I get up, move my pillows, get a bowl to put under the leak, & move to the kitchen. In the process of all this moving around I had aroused the dogs who were now pattering around in the dining room & kitchen eagerly awaiting for me to take them out. The noise outside her room woke Brianna up, so instead of being able to go back to sleep, I had to stay up. I called my landlord, no answer, so I left a message. I called the land manager, no answer, left a message. I called my downstairs neighbor to see if she had any other number to contact them at. She didn't, however, she was able to tell me that I'd be waiting atleast a few days before anyone got back to me. Apparently she had a major leak coming out of her toilet (like 7 towels a day soaking up toilet water) & it took 3 days for the landlord to send someone over to fix it! Omg. So now, I'm irritated. Thankfully I took a nap with Brianna this afternoon & it helped make things a little better. It did throw my day off though, cause all the stuff I was going to do in the morning I wasn't able to do until the afternoon. Ah, oh well. So, anyways, it's a little after 1am & I never heard from my landlord OR my land manager, so I am not thrilled with this. If the leak comes back tonight I WILL be calling them first thing in the morning & bitching. I don't like being ignored when I am PAYING to live here!! Gah. So, that's the story of my day!

Oh, good note though. I have all but one of Brianna's Christmas presents! I ordered her puzzles today. I just need to find the Cabbage Patch doll that I want to get her, then I'm done!:) I have to order hubby's Christmas present too, but I'm waiting on hearing from someone on that too. Haha. But, we'll get there. Almost done.

Well, off to bed now to see if the leak has reappeared.

Christmas Blessings 5-9

2008-12-09T23:16:00.002-05:00

Holy Cow & I bad at this keeping up with stuff thing. I had a rather busy weekend & haven't felt too fabulous the past couple days, so I fell behind already. But, here I am!

Blessings 5-9.

5. My sister. She makes me laugh, tells me where to shove it when I get out of hand, & is the only other person who really understands everything about my life growing up. If it weren't for her & knowing there was someone else who understood, I don't know what I would do. Thank God for my sister.

6. My dogs. Napoleon & Chance. As soon as Herb gets out of bed in the morning Chance hops up on the bed & lays on Herb's side of the bed, Napoleon sleeps curled up by my head. Every time I sit down on the couch, floor, anywheres... they are right there to keep my feet warm & stare at me adoringly. They act like every time I pet them is the best moment of their lives. I like that they love me unconditionally & are always happy to see me! Thank God for my dogs!

7. Fudge. Yeah, it sounds weird, but tonight, I am glad to be blessed with Fudge! Chocolate helps make me feel calm for some reason. Probably not good, but oh well. I like fudge. Thank God for fudge!

8. Books. They are a way to escape the reality of this world & enter another. Something that all of us need at times. Thank God for books!

9. Christmas lights. Christmas lights are my favorite Christmas decoration. The small twinkling lights remind me of the star that the wise men followed. The real reason for the season. They make me joyful & serene at the same time. Thank god for Christmas lights!

Now, I will do my best to keep up for 10-25, haha.

25 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS! Days 1-4

2008-12-04T13:43:00.003-05:00

Ok, so after reading Betsy's Thanksgiving blogs, I feel inspired to follow suit with Christmas Blessings!:) For each day of the 25 Days of Christmas, I will be posting something I am blessed with!:) Hopefully this will help me stay in the spirit of Christmas each day. So, since I am technically on the 4th day of Christmas I will post 4 things I am blessed with. From this post on will be one thing. So, here it goes!:)

Number 1: My husband. God blessed me with a compassionate, caring, fun loving, husband. I really don't know where I would be without him. Meeting my husband changed my life drastically, & I thank God for him & the changes he brought about in me ever day. He really is my "better half". Thank you God for my husband!:)

Number 2: My daughter. Brianna is truly the most beautiful, fun, loving little girl (I may be biased, but I'm allowed to be!). Every day that I get to be part of her life & watch her grow makes me a better person. She is the answer to all my prayers. God really gave me a little angel when he gave me my daughter. Thank you God for Brianna!:)

Number 3: My Mom. My mom is my hero. She took care of 3 kids all by herself. Raised us the best she could, & sacraficed much of herself to make sure that we got what we needed. Now that I'm a mother myself I see how much my mom went through. Over the year my mom has also become my best friend. No matter what happens, how good or bad, my mom is always there for me. Besides giving me life, my mom has given me lessons to live by. Thank you God for my Mom!:)

Number 4: My friends. Each of my friends are VERY unique individuals. I love them all for who they are, & in return they love me for who I am. They really are the foundation on which I have built myself & without them I would crumble. Thank you God for my Friends!:)

God Bless my Blessings!:)

Lazy Lazy Day

2008-12-04T13:19:00.002-05:00

So, between me having "lady problems" & Brianna being tuckered out from her appt this morning, it's been a rather lazy day. I had been sore & moody since Monday, but decided to clean & organize anyways. Last night I passed out a little before 8 & slept all night long. Actually a pretty sold 12 hours to be exact. Yet, I am still feeling loagie & sore, so I've decided to take today off. No cleaning, no organizing, nothing. I had to wake Bri up this morning to take her to a dr appt (she had a rash, which ended up being "an irritation or allergies" I think it's allergies). So, she's a little out of sorts herself, she actually put herself down for a nap today! That never happens. She went & got her pillow, blankie, & cup, whined for her binkie. Once I gave her the binkie she took her stuff to the couch, laid down, & passed out. Impressive I think. even the dogs are being lazy. Usually when I take them out, they will wander around the yard looking for every spot that may have been touched by another animal since the last time they were out. Not today. We went out today & they went to the bathroom & came right back in. The only ones that aren't being lazy today are the cats. I wish they WOULD be lazy! They keep playing with tree ornaments, attacking each other, & trying to steal Brianna's toys. I really don't like cats. They are lucky they belong to my husband, or they would be quickly finding a new home. Oh well.

Anyways! Since today is a lazy day, I'm of course going to have to make up for it tomorrow! Haha. I'm going to make up for it in a different way though. Instead of cleaning all day I'm going to enjoy myself. I'll run my usual friday morning errands, but in addition to groceries, I am going to be getting a few of Bri's Christmas presents. Then lunch & nap time. After naptime we're going up to Mrs. Theresa's to make fudge with her & the girls. Mmmm fudge! & of course some tea & adult conversation. I think for date night tomorrow night hubby & I are going to just watch movies & crash. We need a night to jsut rest together, since we sacraficed that last weekend to spend time out with friends. It should be fun.

& once again, I'm babbling. HA! Ok, back to doing nothing;)

Christmas is Coming!

2008-11-26T14:19:00.002-05:00

There is fresh snow on the ground, little flakes still falling, & a bunch of people in town have put up their lights. The manger is set up in the center of town. & most importantly, the Christmas parade that ushers Santa into town & kicks off the tree lighting & manger lighting ceremony downtown, is this weekend. Yipee!

The spirit of Christmas is finally starting to really kick in. I've decided that I am going to take out my Christmas decorations tonight & see what I have left from last year & what I need to get. I know I need a mistletoe & an angel to top the tree (we forgot mistletoe last year & we had a start last year that I don't like). I have yet to find either of these things that I like yet, but I'm still looking!:) I don't know what else I might need, but I'll find out tonight, then hopefully this weekend I can go pick up the stuff. Our tree & all our decorations will be up officially Saturday night.

I was going to start decorating tonight, but I think my husband would have a heart attack if I decorated before Thanksgiving. Tomorrow we will be out of town for the Turkey festivities with family. Then Friday, I am spending the day cleaning, getting rid of toys that Brianna doesn't play with anymore (donating them to the foster kids program at my mom's work so that some of the little kids can have fun toys). & Friday night hubby & I are going out to have a few drinks with some friends we havent' seen in a while. So, Saturday is the official Christmas decorating day.

Brianna was an infant for Christmas last year, so this is her first Christmas that she will kinda get what's going on. I am going to have her help me decorating. Little things, like putting the non-breakables on the tree. I'm going to be getting some cinnamon pine cones (the ones from last year don't smell as good now), & glitter & letting her glitter-ize them. I think I'm going to be taking the glass bulbs we have too (we have a million of them, for no reason) & I'm going to be painting on them, I'll prolly let brianna help put glitter on them (with me holding them of course). Hopefully she enjoys it. She's going to help my mom & I make Christmas cookies this year too. I think we're going to be letting her kneed the dough. She'll like that.

I'm getting so excited!:) Next week we're ordering most of everyone's Christmas presents. & hopefully going out to get the few of Brianna's that we have to pick up a the store.

Yay Christmas!:):)

I Have To Do It!!

2008-11-23T22:34:00.003-05:00

So the second person in a little over a month has asked me if I'm expecting my second child. NO! I am not pregnant! I am just FAT! Ugh. Severe frustration is setting in. I just went clothes shopping last weekend, rather happy that I found some jeans that fit nice & some shirts that help conceal the areas where you can still see the pudge, but I guess I didn't do a good enough job. I guess the only solution now is to just lose the weight. Grrr.

I had started dieting & working out over the summer. I did really good. I went from 190 down to 172. I was rather pleased with myself. Then I slipped, I got sick, & I started eating fast food, junk food, drinking soda, & not working out. After I got better I just didn't start working out or dieting again, I jsut kept going. Low & behold, a few months later I am back up to 190 (a little over actually, gag). So, in light of the recent revelations of people around me (one being a friend of my mom's & the other being my former musical instructor), I think it's time to throw myself back into the work out & diet routine. I have to.

I'm supremely dissapointed in myself for letting my weight get back to being this high. I really am. I think I just need to do something about it. So, I think starting tomorrow I am going to start logging all my calorie intake (www.myfitnesspal.com) & working out again. I'll prolly start slow again, cause I don't want to kill myself. I'm thinking 15 minutes of cardio, then 10-15 of abs, then another 5 minutes of high intensity cardio. Hopefully that will get me back on the right start.

Hopefully.

Wish me luck...

I did it... I fell victim...

2008-11-19T02:18:00.007-05:00

To the drive to decorate. I restrained myself from going all out & crazy, but I just HAD to decorate a little bit. So I put my evergreen garland & bells up & my wreath. I will hold the rest of it off until after Thanksgiving. Here are some pics of what I got done!:)

One of the windows, garland & rustic bells.

The other window with the same garland & rustic bells:)

And here is the wreath that I made!!:)

And my bookshelf...

It's a little cluttered (gotta clean it off a little) but the garland wreath is on it & my Christmas basket of pine cones (which I need to get new ones I guess cause they no longer smell like cinnamon.. which makes me sad!).

So there's the skinny of it. I fell victim to my own desire to decorate. I held back & didn't get all crazy about it. I have another week to wait before I can take the tree out & decorate it & get the rest of my decorations out. I gotta clean off my tv & bookshelf to make room for the Christmas doo-dads. Woo!

I feel a little better now that I got to do some decorating though. Off to work now!

Must... Restrain... No... Decorations...

2008-11-18T21:56:00.002-05:00

So it was snowing yesterday & today. There is snow on the ground. Not a LOT, but enough. A dusting of snow. It's is FREEZING cold outside. Like 27 degrees when I went out to run errands at 330pm. It's just starting to FEEL like winter, & therefore it feels like CHRISTMAS! The city has put out the Christmas decorations. Wreaths on the light posts. Santa's house is erected in the middle of town. Banners with christmas trees & snow flakes on the light posts. It's just starting to feel so much like Christmas. I picked up the last of my decorations yesterday, & now I am suffering from severe want of decorating! I put up our new curtains, & I immediatly wanted to put up my garland & bells. I've been measuring for lights on the porch. I also & thinking that I REALLY want to make my Christmas wreath like... right now! It's horrible. I am trying to so hard not to just open up the box & start decorating. Must not give in, must not give in... AHHH!

I think I might go nuts waiting! lol.

Hopeful!!

2008-11-15T01:00:00.002-05:00

Well, tomorrow I am going clothes shopping for the first time in almost a year. Yes, I said a year. I have grabbed a shirt, or skirt here & there throughout the year, but haven't done any SERIOUS clothes shopping. Why haven't I gone in so long... well, to be quite honest, I'm scared of clothes shopping for myself. I am pudgy, & my weight is not distributed proportionately. It's all in my lower gut, like a pouch. I look like I'm 6 months pregnant or something. So... finding pants that fit nice & don't give me an overhang or muffin top is near impossible. This is, however, the mission for tomorrow. Also, finding shirts that look cute & nice, without being too tight, or looking like maternity tops! It's quite difficult & can be rather disheartening. I have tried to go clothes shopping a few times in the past year. Each time I have become discouraged after trying on a few pairs of pants. I am determined to not do this tomorrow though! I hope... :\ I'm excited & nervous at the same time. Clothes shopping should cause this anxiety!! Ah!

New Tattoo?

2008-11-12T23:10:00.001-05:00

So I'm thinking of getting a new tattoo, & I think this is what I want. I want to get it on my left shoulder. I also think I'm going to do it all in black without the square behind it. What do you think?

How I Met Herb

2008-11-09T22:17:00.002-05:00

How did you meet your significant other? Answer all the questions HONESTLY and re post as "How I met _____"

1.Where did you meet? Ohhh let's see. We went to High School together, then he lived in an apartment above me a few years later, then he was an usher for a show I was in & that it when we hooked up.

2.What was the first thought that went through your head when you met? When we were in school I didn't have an opinion of him, when we lived in the same building I thought he was a nice guy, too nice, creeped me out a little, then when he was ushering the show I was in, I decided that his niceness was genuine, not alterior & that he was a really sweet guy.

3.Do you remember what he/she was wearing? The night of the show he wore a green & white striped polo & black pants:)

4.Where was the first time you kissed this person? We kissed in his room while watching Out Cold

5.Where did you go for your first date? Olive Garden

6.How long did you know this person before you became a couple? I knew him for a few years

7.How did he/she ask you out? "I know you said you kind of wanted to see how things went but... will you be my girlfriend?" he's such a cheese ball, lol.

8.Has this person ever proposed to you? Yes, the day for Thanksgiving, in the hospital, lol

9.Do you and this person have kids together? We have the most gorgeous little girl, Brianna

10.Have you ever broken the law with this person? A few minor things, nothing huge

11.When was the first time you realized that you liked this person? When we were hanging out at dress rehersals for my show

12.Do you get along with his/her family? Yes

13.Do you trust this person?With my life

14.Do you see her/him as your partner in your future? Forever & ever

15.What is the best gift she/he gave you? Brianna:)

16.What is one thing He/She does that gets on your nerves? He gets worked up about little things real easy sometimes

17.Where do you see each other 15 years from now? Still together!!:) Maybe another kid... in our own house.

18.What causes the most arguments? Money, general stress

19.How long have you been together? Sept 2006

20.Are you Married? Sure are

21. Who Do you Tag? Hmm... who hasn't done this... Linds & Tam!

What happens when mommy gets bored? THIS!

2008-11-05T22:13:00.005-05:00

So, when I get bored I try to find productive things to do around the house. Today, I wasn't feeling especially productive (I cleaned all the floors, dusted, & cleaned the kitchen yesterday, I deserved a break)... SO, instead of cleaning some more, I decided I was going to do something fun. So, I broke out the ponytail holders, a brush, & appeased Brianna with some Noggin... & THIS is what I did!! :)

Yeah! My daughter is rocking the 5 ponytails!! :) She's just too cute. haha.

Apparently I need a break...

2008-11-03T23:31:00.003-05:00

So recently I have found myself being more & more frustrated with things. Many things. even simple things such as a clump of dog fur after I've swept, or a whining daughter that I have been constantly trying to get to use her words instead of "aahhhhhHHHH!!" when she wants a drink or snack. It's getting rediculous actually how fast I seem to be hitting the end of my rope. I attribute part of this to me not taking my medication for the past 2 weeks (haven't had the money to get the script filled). I can't blame it all on that though. I'm pretty sure there are other factors adding to this. Possibly because I feel like I have accomplished NOTHING since we moved into our new place. Yes, I unpacked everything. Yes, I have some regular cleaning. I feel like every day though I get nothing done. There are dishes piled in the sink (even though I literally JUST put away a whole load of them this morning... how did THAT happen!?), there is pet hair everywhere (despite thoroughly brushing both dogs & all the cats this weekend), there are toys everywhere (I have conceeded to the fact that there will ALWAYS be toys EVERYWHERE... atleast for the next 16 or so years), & I just feel like I can't keep up. In addition to that there are other projects (cleaning out the hall, cleaning the car, weather proofing) that haven't even gotten TOUCHED even though they have been on the top of the "to do" list for the past 3 weeks. I just wuold really like a weekend where I can relax & not worry about what is & is not done around the house. That however, does not seem to be something I will have coming to me for a LOOOONG time. Ugh. The holidays are coming too, so I would really like to have things in order so that when they come I can just enjoy them & the people around me & not be worrying about everything else. I'll be lucky if I can though.

So... no medicine, plus no free time, equals a very frustrated, cranky Myria.

I'm really thinking that I am going to give myself a mandatory weekend off. I think I deserve it. Right? I think I can pull it off if I play my cards right. I just need to go buy some disposable plates, bowls, sivlerware & cups, microwave meals, & Lysol wipes. I then need to convince my husband that it would be a good idea for him to help with the housework during the week so that by the weekend, it's all taken care of (atleas the big stuff). Then I need to find some people that want to have a relaxing fun time (games, snacks, & tv... no drinking, partying, or craziness). Well, now that it seems I have formulated a plan, I should prolly get on it. It's Monday... well, almost Tuesday. That gives me 4 days. Wish me luck!

Don't Make Excuses...

2008-11-02T23:04:00.002-05:00

About 2 weeks ago, in the next town over from us 3 teenage boys went into a church graveyard & knocked over/ destroyed the headstones of multiple grave sites. 2 of the boys were 16 & 17, therefore minors, but one was 18. So, anyways... since the crime was commited the local legal system has been going through the steps. Well, our local paper has a forum in which we can discuss local events. On this forum there has been a strand about the crime commited by these teens. On this forum there have been people making excuses for the boys. Things have been said such as "they had a hard life", & "their parents tried", & "they had been drinking". What I don't understand is how can ANYONE try to justify what these boys did? There is no excuse. There is no REASON to make excuses. I don't care what kind of life they had. I don't care if daddy beat them, mommy ran away, whatever... that doesn't make what they did right. & as for the parents "doing all they could" well obviously not. Since these kids were out at 1am, with a bottle of wine, the parents were NOT doing all they could. Why don't parents check on their kids anymore? From what I understand too, these boys have been in trouble before. Why aren't they on PINS? Probation? In a Juvenile Detention Center? Bootcamp? Boarding school? There are plenty of options out there for trouble children. Why not utilize it? Why not use the state funded options? Why wait until they commit a horrible crime like this & waste the governemtn money on legal defense. I was hoping too, that these boys would go into court & plead guilty, serve their time, pay for the damages, & then go on with reforming their lives, but no. They plead not guilty & are now going to waste coutny money on a case. Makes me sick. What this all leads up to is, me thinking "what happened to 'honor they mother & father'"? What happened to kids that knew better? It seems like each generation that comes along just gets worse & worse. More disrespectful. More rude. Less responsible.

When it boils down to it, it just makes me very irritated. I know my daughter is just 1, & I haven't gone through the whole rigors of being a parent to a teen, but I wasn't a teen myself that long ago & I remember what I did & what my mother did. I know that I NEVER would have thought it was a good idea to go destroy a graveyard. Never. I also know that if I were to ever do something like that, my mother wouldn't have allowed me to pead not guilty. My mother would have made sure I went to jail & served my time, then she would have made me get a job & work & give every cent I made to the church to take care of the damages done. Hell, I went into an abandoned house when I was 13. I didn't break in, the back door was open... we just went in. Didn't vandlize anything, but the neighbor called the cops on us. When the police showed up, my mother was there (the abandoned house was 2 houses from our house). The police told my mother that she could take me & they wouldnt' press charges cause I hadn't actually done anything exceot tresspassing. & do you know what my mother did? She said "No, no. You put the cuffs on her, take her down, book her, & I'll come get her when I'm ready". She left me there for 4 hours. I was terrified. I cried my eyes out. When she did pick me up, she had already filed the paper work to put me in PINS (people in need of supervision) & made my first probation appointment. & on top of that, she grounded me. House arrest essentially. All for walking into a house that was technically owned by the bank. Yet these boys desicrate a graveyard & their parents are letting them get away with it? Disgusting. Children should be raised to have a healthy fear of their parents & the law. Not a "omg, daddy is goign to beat me til i bleed"" fear... but a fear of what their parents will THINK of what they did.

I'm just very irritated I guess with the goings on, & hope that I will do a much better job raising my daughter than these people have done.

Cutest Giraffe EVER

2008-11-01T03:29:00.005-04:00

So, I am obviously up late & bored, so I wanted to share a few pics of Brianna in her Halloween costume. Here we go!:

Here is Brianna, the baby giraffe. Cutest little giraffe EVER!!

Here is Brianna the two headed baby giraffe! haha.

Trick or Treat!! Brianna & daddy stocking up on the candy!!

A Mommy Survey-- For Fun

2008-11-01T02:51:00.002-04:00

1. Where were you when you first found out you were pregnant?
In my mother's bathroom

2. Who was with you?
I was alone until I started screaming & crying "Mommy!! Mommy I need you!! Mommy!!"

3. What was your first reaction?
Terrified & excited

4. What was your husband's reaction?
He was very calm & reassuring

5. Who was the first person you told?
My mother

6. Were the pregnancies planned?
Nope

7. Was everyone happy for you
Actually, yes!

8. What was the sex?
Girl!

9. Did anyone throw a shower for you?
My mom & mother in law did

10. Did you get any outfits you wouldn't use?
Lol. Yes.

11. How much weight did you gain?
Omg... 40lbs

12. Did you get stretch marks?
Yeah, they suck

13. Did you crave anything crazy?
Potatoes... in all forms... mashed, tater tots, french fries, baked, hash browns... it was bad

14. Who or what got on your nerves the most?
Being sick made me mad

15. Where were you when you went into labor?
I was in labor all day, so I was at the store, at my mom's, then at home... hard labor I was in teh hospital

16. Did you have any complications?
The first few months I had real bad morning sickness

17. Did your water break?
The doctor had to break it

18. Who drove you to the hospital?
Herbie did

19. Did you go early or late?
I went 13 days late... she was born the night before I was scheduled to go in for an induction!

20. Who was in the room?
Herb, my mom, my mother in law, my best friend Ashley, the doctor, 2 nurses, a med student... lol, they were selling tickets for my birthing!!

21. Did you video tape it?
No! I refused to let ANYONE use a video camera or camera until after she was born & in the bassinet

22. Did you have any pain medication?
They gave me a shot of something that was basically like taking a shot... didn't help the pain, but took the edge off

23. Did you have a c-section or natural?
All natural baby

24. What was your reaction to the birth?
Omg... am I done? Can I go to bed now?

25. How big was the baby?
7lbs 5 ounces, 20.5 inches

26. Did your husband cry?
Oh yeah, he was crying hard

27. When is the next one coming?
We don't think there will be another one... but if there is it'll be about 2-3 years. We'll see.

28. If you could would you do it all over again?
For Brianna, anything. She was worth every second.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

2008-10-31T21:17:00.004-04:00

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

I'm not really much into Halloween actually. I enjoy the holiday & all don't get me wrong. I definatly love seeing all the little kids out in their costumes. & I had a blast dressing up Brianna & taking her out this year. I however do not put Halloween up with other important holidays like Christmas, Easter, St.Patty's Day (Yes, I'm Irish, it goes up there with the other ones!). It actually seems kinda tacky to me when I see houses that are decorated up like they would be for Christmas except that the lights are orange, there are huge bats & witches instead of santa & reindeer. I don't know. Just seems tacky.

Anyways! I'm not that into it, but I did enjoy this evening with my daughter & husband. I hope everyone else had a fun & safe Halloween too!:o)

The Chill of Autumn Air

2008-10-28T23:30:00.002-04:00

One of my favorite things about living in Upstate, NY is the cool crisp Autumn season. The leaves changing, the air getting colder, sweaters getting unpacked, & the rising feeling of good naturedness that comes with the impending holiday season to follow. The weather here sets the tone for the season though. Most people hate the change of season, because it does come rather drastically here. One day it's 80 & we're in shorts, the next it's 50 & we're layering on turtle necks & jackets. Once that drop in temperature hits though, you know it's officially fall in NY. Soon after that, the leaves change & begin to fall. That's the best part of living near the catskill mountains. You can see the changing leaves. The gorgeous hillsides dotted with gold, orange, red, crimson, & bronze. It's gorgeous to see. Breath taking when you go to the higher elevation points & can look at the sights unobstructed. The fall season just makes me happy inside.

So, for all the reasons above, you would understand why today when I woke up & saw SNOW falling, I was a bit saddened. Don't get me wrong, I love snow at Christmas time. I however, do NOT enjoy snow in the middle of my enjoying of the fall season. Once the snow falls & the very chilly below freezing winds of the north begin to blow, all the leaves fall off the trees & the hills become baren & sad. Especially when the snow is like it has been recently; mixed with rain. So the trees aren't even glazed with the cute trimmings of residual snowfall, which makes them festive during the winter season. It just strips them of their foliage & leaves them naked & cold.

Therefore, today was a little depressing for me. A sudden interruption in my enjoyment of the fall season. A quick preview of the winter to come (which seems to look like it may be a repeat of '93, if anyone from this area remembers that winter). A bit depressing in the time of year when I am usually perky & excited.

Oh well... Halloween is just a few days away. Atleast seeing my daughter & the other children of town dressed up in their cute little costumes will help with my "snow in the middle of fall" blues.

Update... Because I've been gone for a while... haha

2008-10-09T21:09:00.002-04:00

So, last I posted we were looking at purchasing a home, well in the end all, that did not work out, which is ok, cause we need more time to work on our credit anyways. In the meantime we have moved & are living in a cute apartment that is very nice & completly remodeled. I am much happier here than at our old place. Also, we recently got a new fur baby, Chance. He's a border collie mix that we adopted from a family that just didn't have the time for him (3 kids, another on the way & 5 other dogs). He's the perfect dog, exactly what we have been looking for. I am very glad we got him. He gets along with Napoleon great, & he loves Brianna. Besides that we are very very busy. Now that it's fall, things are all starting to get busy with festivities & celebrations of one sort or another.
Just thought I would pop in for a minute to update. I'll be posting more when I get a few minutes to think. Haha.

So worried... & excited... & nervous.. &...&...

2008-09-08T23:26:00.003-04:00

Over the past couple weeks I have been progressivly going insane. So here's the deal. We officially decided a while ago that we were tired of renting. We are tired of dealing with landlords (or slum lords in our case) & are tired of paying for a home & for maintenance that will not benefit us in the long run. So, we started the process. We did the budget, finances all in order. Then we started looking for houses. This was the hardest part. Finding a house that we both liked that was in our budget & didn't need a lot of work. Then we got pre-qualified for a home loan. So, we were on our way. Finally, this weekend, we found the house. It's in our budget, it's the perfect size for us, it has a great yard, is has what we need, what we want, & it's totally our cutesy homey style that we wanted. So, we talked, thought, & decided we are going to spring for it. We took my mom & father in law to see it today. They had a few concerns, but nothing major & they both said they thought it was nice. So... now the hard part. We have to get together with our buying agent this week & write up a purchase offer. I don't want to rush things. I want to make sure we have everything in the offer, I want to make sure that the appraisal is done right, I want to make sure that we hire a god lawyer to look over our titles & do our closings. At the same time though, I want this to happen RIGHT NOW. I'm worried that someone else will dive in & take the house. I'm also worried that if this gets too drawn out, I will be packing boxes & moving in the snow, which I do NOT want to deal with. I would ideally like to have this whole ordeal done before the end of October so we can get moved in before the holiday/snow season hits us. In the meantime, I am reading everything I can on real estate markets, first time home owners guides, mortgages, different lenders, lawyers, closings, offers... my brain is on overdrive. In addition to that I am still trying to do my daily things & manage to not lose my grip. It's been interesting. I think the past few days have been the most stressful of my life. Everyone start hoping & praying for us though that we get this house. I just have a FEELING that it's meant to be ours. I have a good feeling it will all work out. But the worry wort, fretter in my is freaking out. I wish real estate were easier. *sigh* Oh well. It'll all be worth it in the end right? :o)

Am I Taking On Too Much?

2008-09-02T23:29:00.002-04:00

At the beginning of each month I sit down with my planner, wall calendar, & cell phone & input my schedule for the month. So, today, I sat down & did my schedule for September. After I was done I looked at my calendar & the first thing that came to my mind was "OH MY GOD! That's FULL!". I suddenly realized that I have taken on QUITE a bit.

In addition to being a stay at home mom & housewife, I am also watching my friends 3 year old son 3 days a week (Mon, Tues, Fri or Wed, Thur, Fri from 130pm-11pm). I have been doing that for a couple months now, no big deal. The boy is like a second child to me. Now, in addition to him & my daughter, I will be taking on my other friends 4 month old daughter 5 days a week (Mon-Fri 545am-3pm). This might be a bit of a task, but not too horrible. The little girl is very laid back, & during our few days of trial run she did very well here & Brianna & Cody did very well with her being here. Well, today I got a call from the lady that leads our local bible study. She said they were looking for someone to run the daycare room from 9am-1115am every Thur morning while they have bible study. & of course what do I say? Sure! Not a problem. I informed the my friend with the little girl that her daughter would be going to bible study daycare with me, not a problem for her.

Now I'm looking & thinking. I'm just thinking "Am I taking on too much? Have I bitten off more than I can chew?". Yes, the money will be good. With this extra baby it's an additional $100 a week, & another $15 per session for the church daycare. I almost think that I might be burying myself though. Or maybe not.

Maybe being with children & doing daycare is what I was meant to do? Maybe all these opportunities are God's way of testing my abilities (& patience) & showing me what I am really capable of & what I was meant to do?

We will see soon enough though I guess!

Blessings... I Have A Few...

2008-08-08T23:57:00.002-04:00

I have decided that since this incredibly stressful week has come to an end, I am going to sit & think about the things that I am thankful for. My blessings we will call them. So... this is my list of things that I am thankful for!!

My husband, without him I would be incomplete. He is my other half, my soulmate.
My daughter. She makes each day worth getting up for. Each breath worth taking. & each moment more enjoyable than the last.
My mother. She is my backbone. My base.
My sister. Just cause she's my best friend, despite the fact that we argue & differ in opinions, I know I can always go to her.
My friends, cause they are just plain fucking amazing!
My pets... they make life interesting.
My health. I'm doing better than most, & I'm thankful for that.
My home. It's not what I've dreamed of, but it's a roof overhead & it's served us very well.
My husbands job. Though it makes him cranky sometimes, it pays our bills & I know he actually enjoys what he does (just not his boss, lol).
The people that pray for us. I know there are a few & I'm glad someone besides me is reminding God that I'm still here & still like his help. haha.
Music. Honestly, some days, it's what gets me through.

Those are the things that I am thankful for today!:0)

Persistence=Prevailance

2008-08-08T11:54:00.002-04:00

I am so incredibly happy right now! My court case for Monday got ACD'd (Adjourned contemplating dismissal), which means as long as I don't have a Dog Ordinance violation again in the next 6 months, the case will be dismissed, which means I don't have to go to court on Monday now!! Woo! I am so happy. This stupid misunderstanding (& nosey annoyance from my neighbors) is finally going to get cleared up. I am just so happy right now. I have to go sign some papers at the court tonight saying that I agree to the conditions & then I'm home free. I'm obviously not going to have any other violations since this first one wasn't even a violation really to begin with! (Just neighbors that don't like my dogs... oh well).

Back to my busy day now!:0)

Irritated

2008-08-04T23:50:00.002-04:00

So just a little ranting & rambling for a minute. I need to get a few things off my chest. Here we go:

First off, I've been stressing out like crazy for the past month because I have to go to court on the 11th ( a week from today) for this stupid dog problem. I've contacted so many people trying to figure out what I should do & if anyone can help me. First I called the City Court, they wouldn't give me the number for the DA. I have to find it myself. Good thing my mom works for the County. Then I contacted the Legal Aid Assistance program for Chenango County, they couldn't help me, but they could give me the number for a Lawyer Referal network. I called them, they gave me the nuber of a lawyer to contact & see if I could set up an appoitnment for a consultation. I called the lawyer & spoke with him today. He gave me some advice, but said that it actually sounds like the entire case is rediculous & he'd hate to see me throw away $500 on a case that would last 20 minutes & is totally rediculous. He suggested that I call the DA & see if we can figure something out outside of court, because he didn't think the DA would want to waste his time in court of a City Ordinance hearing that is unfounded. So... now I have to call the DA tomorrow. I'm hoping he's understanding & will listen to me. I'm also hoping that maybe he will decide to just drop this case & let it go. I'm beyond stressed & beyond irritated at this whole situation.

In addition to this court case, I have been dealing with a lot of crap with my dad. He has once again gone into hiding & is refusing to answer his phone. My mom went to visit him today & told me he's not doing well. All I can see is a few months from now she's going to go visit him again & we're going to be in the same situation we were 3 years ago when we had to take him to the hospital because his pancreas & liver were shutting down. I don't want to deal with that again. I have other things to take care of, like my family. & now I'm going to have to take care of my dad like I would a kid. My sister & I are discussing the possibility of putting him in a home of some sort if it happens again. We just can't do it anymore. I'm just hoping he smartens up & it doesn't go that far.

With both those problems looming over my head I have been depressed & irritated all the time. I find it hard to really enjoy myself, because I'm constantly worried about something or the other. I'm trying to ignore them, but I just find myself back in the same state of mind.

I'm hoping that after next week I will start to get back to normal, but as of right now I am very irritable, cranky, & distracted.

OH! & besides those things, I had an end table fall off our porch onto my head last night when I was coming up the stairs... & tonight at Walmart I got asked by a lady when I was due to have my baby... I'm not pregnant. So I have a headache & I'm apparently FAT! Great...

*Sigh* maybe having a restful weekend next weekend will make things better... I hope so.

Getting Older...

2008-08-01T12:04:00.002-04:00

So yesterday I turned 23. Not old, but older, obviously.
Every year around my birthday, I like to sit & think about where I was a year ago... how I've changed in the past year, for better or worse. Thankfully for the past 2 years I feel like I have progressivly changed for the better.
This past year has brought about so much change in my life. It's almost overwhelming to think about. Last July, I had a 1 month old baby, just had surgery to remove my gallbladder, & was living in an apartment that I hated & couldn't manage to keep up with. What has changed in the past year... oh so much.
In the past year my husband & I got married in the church (which is important for me, being a Catholic, that my unity with him be recognized by God & the church). We had Brianna baptised (also a big decision in the church). My husband & I have progressivly learned to function as a family now, instead of just a couple, since we have Brianna. We had some rough spots, but now we have it down really well. I am very proud of what we have achieved together.
Brianna has grown up & is a little over a year old now. She went from this tiny little baby, to a walking, talking, little person. She has her own personality, her own ideas, & is getting smarter & smarter by the day... as well as more & more beautiful. She has just blossomed into this little lady that I am so proud of.
We moved into a new apartment. It's not perfect, but much better than the last. I have also learned to cook (& very well btw!). I actually enjoy cooking & cleaning every day now, which before was just a hellish task that I feared. I am proud of my home & like to have it looking nice.
In the past year I have also started to effectivly deal with my depression & anxiety for the first time since I was diagnosed (which was 10 years ago). Instead of just self medicating, or just not dealing with it & living the sad life I was, I am now taking the proper medications & talking about my problems. My anger issues (stemming from the depression) are much more controlled now & my anxiety has decreased significantly. I attribute this mostly to my husband & daughter, who make my life more enjoyable & listen to me when I need someone to talk to (yes, I know she's 1, but when I'm sad I can talk to her & I don't feel like she's judging me).
In general, I feel like my life is getting better & better by the day. I am feeling better about myself & my life.
I may be getting older... but I don't mind... as long as things keeps progressing this way, I'll be glad to get older!

The Introduction

2008-07-28T22:32:00.002-04:00

Hello bloggers. My name is Myria Allen & here's what you should know about me before you continue to read my blogs. I'm a 23 year old wife & mother living in upstate NY. I am a stay at home mom & housewife. I also provide daycare for my friends 3 year old son 3 days a week. There are a few important points about me that I will outline now! HAHA.

First & foremost, the most important thing about me is that I am a wife & mother. These two things define who I am. My husband & I are one of those couples that fell immediatly in love & have been madly in love ever since. Herb (my husband) is the man of my dreams. He is caring, funny, friendly, hard working, & loveable. We balance each other very well & always anjoy each others company. Together we have a 1 year old daughter, Brianna. Brianna (aka Boogie) is a gorgeous, intelligent, fiesty little girl. She looks a lot like her daddy & acts almost exactly like me. It's kind of scary actually to hear the attitude that comes out of this pretty little girl. I love her though with all my heart. I spend every day with her, playing, learning, & growing. As she grows & learns, I grow & learn with her. Every day is a new experience & a new lesson. These two make my life worth living to the fullest.

I am a stay at home mother. It is a full time job. For those people who think stay at home mom's are lazy women who just don't want to work, I challenge you to spend and entire day with a 1 year old. I work harder than any paid person in the field. I am also a housewife. My job in our family is to take care of our daughter, take care of the house, clean, cook, & make sure my husband is happy. I am not ashamed of my position in life, I am PROUD of what I am. I have the most honorable job & title that any woman could have. CEO, president, etc mean nothing when put next to the title of WIFE & MOTHER!

In addition to my husband & daughter, my mother & sister are my next line of defense. My mother & I are best friends, & my sister & I are so much alike it's scary. My mom is a single mom that raised my sister, brother, & I by herself pretty much since my sister was born. My parents got divorced when I was 9 because my father is an alcoholic (well, recovering now, but that's a whole other story!), prior to the divorce though they were seperated numerous times & he also served 2 6 month sentences in county jail for DWI's. So, basically my mom did it alone. She did a pretty damn good job though! My sister is going into her final year at college & will be graduating with her Bachelors in Musical therapy from Mansfield University. She is engaged to a great guy that she's been with for 4 years. He has a degree in Aeronautical Engineering from Embry Riddle. They are getting married in 2 years, I am her Maid of Honor (OF COURSE!). He's a great guy though, & I'm glad my sister is with him. My brother is 16 & starting his sophmore year of high school. He has Aspergers Syndrome (form of Autism), ADHD, depression, & social anxiety disorders. Despite many social, emotional, & mental setbacks in the past few years though, he is beginning to progress stabley in a good direction. He has his first summer job this year & is doing very well at it. He is also making new friends, which is great for him. We have had a rough relationship being 7 years apart & all, but we are progressivly beginning to get along better. My father is in & out of the picture. Being an alcoholic he has these spurts where he goes into hiding & we don't hear from him for a few months. About 3 years ago, he did one of these hiding stints that lasted 6 months... when we finally made him come out of hiding he has liver & pancreatic damage, pnuemonia, & was under 100lbs. He ended up in detox & ICU for 2 weeks, regular inpatient for another 2 weeks, & then was shipped off to a 28 day rehab program, which was then followed up by a 6 month half way program (through insistance of my sister & I). He is still struggling with his addiction. He has COPD & also has recently discovered that he has another disease (don't know the name) that causes blood clots in his legs. Basically the doctor has told him if he doesn't quit drinking & smoking he won't make it too long. So, we're in the progress of trying to get him to quit. It's a battle, but one I'm willing to fight if it means my dad will get to live to see my daughter get married.

In addition to my blood family, I have a furry family that I love. Our 2 daschund dogs, Napoleon & Boomer think they are ferocious guard dogs. We also have 3 cats, Cici, Shake, & Noodle who provide much comic relief & friendly cuddling.

I have an amazing structure of friends, whom mean the world to me. If I'm in a fight, it's usually because someone fucked with my friends, not with me.

I'm a Roman Catholic, born & raised. I believe in God, I believe in Jesus, & I honor Mary, Joseph, & the Saints. I however & not a crazy fanatical Catholic. I do have some issues with the church, but I will not hash those out in this Blog. I'll save that for a Blog of it's own!

& last, but not least... I can be a real bitch. I have opinions, which are usually rather educated & thoroughly thought through. I do not do into a discussion without knowing my shit first. When some ignorant arrogant son of a bitch thinks they can best me, I will not back down. I also am not the kind of person you want to break trust with or anger. I am open to the idea that all people are inherintly good. I will give everyone a chance, despite others opinions & appearance. However, once you cross me, there is no going back. I form my opinions of people from multiple factors, not just one, so if I don't like you & you want a reason, you better have some time to sit & listen, cause it won't be a quick answer.

Well, now that you have a basic idea of who I am & what I'm about you will hopefully understand me a little better! Thank you for taking the time to read my blog!:)

*hugs*
Myria